Five Gossipmongers

By: The Bitchy

Sorry for the absence, I hope y'all didn't miss me too much. The reason why I haven't been around is because I have been busy with a certain person and most recently, it has gotten me down in the dumps.

Let me tell you what happened. I have a handful of gay friends. I suppose my bitchiness attracts them (not to say they're all bitchy, but..) and vice versa. In short, I'm just very open and fun, and I like open and fun people as well. This probably has to do with my cousin, who opened me to the world of homosexuals, what with himself being gay.



So, my cousin, let's call him B. I love B to bits. He's not the stereotypical kind of gay men you'd see on TV, those flamboyant fashionable effeminate types, like Stanford aka Carrie Bradshaw's bitch.


My cousin has zero fashion sense, super stingy, funny and sarcastic, sometimes flamboyant but not always, domineering because he thinks he's always right, to an extent where i would even sometimes call him a chauvinist. Sounds like a straight man, doesn't he? I really wouldn't even know he was gay, if he hadn't told me himself, and I met his partner.

I always thought that if B and I weren't related, I would just fall in love with him and we'd have babies together. I love him so. He's so sweet. Although he may be stingy with his money, when he knows I am hungry, he would drive to the nearest decent restaurant and buy me good food. If I were shopping, he'd complain about all the walk he has to do with me, but if I didn't have enough cash with me, he'd flash his card.

His choice of clothes may make him look like a sore thumb, but he totally owns it, like how the geek look is now suddenly fashionable (*pooi*), plus he's super confident. He would snap at me when I complain about sore feet because I wore heels all day, saying it's my own foolish choice. Next thing I know, he'd come back from god knows where with a pair of pretty pumps for my tired feet.

I LOVE B!

But he is gay. And we are related. DOUBLE FML TTM!

Anyway, recently I met a really nice guy, let's call him M. M is possible my favourite XY chromosome species, after B. He's subtly sweet and considerate, thoughtful and kind, he can be sarcastic like a bitch but has his weird male sense of humour. Basically he floats my boat.

We have spent a lot of time together and recently, I realized that I'd think about him in my free time. I must like him a lot. And he texts and calls me all the time, asking where I was, so I'm really digging it coz mama likes the attention.

Well, just as I thought things were progressing, and as you probably would have already guessed, he tells me he is gay.

FML FML FML FML FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is super shit, because I could not believe that my gaydar did not work!!! I can smell homosexuals 10 feet away, but my gaydar is totally useless with M. I kind of noticed that he didn't check out girls like a normal straight guy would, but I couldn't tell either if he was into men. I told myself that he might just be asexual, but homosexual??

My life is cursed.